Finding the Right Mohel for You – Suggested Interview Questions

Among the most important choices you can make as a Jewish parent is who will serve as the mohel at your son’s bris.  Choosing the right mohel can ensure that the Brit Milah service you host is memorable, meaningful and relevant for you, your family and your friends who are present to help you to celebrate one of the most important moments in your life.  

Often, parents choose a mohel based on word of mouth or the advice of friends who have been through the experience.  Depending on where you live in the New York Metropolitan area, there may not be many mohalim from whom to choose to preside over this sacred event in your family’s life.  It’s also possible that the mohel you most prefer or the one recommended to you by friends may not be available on the day of your celebration.   Interviewing more than one mohel ensures you have an alternative if your preferred choice is unavailable on the day of your son’s bris.  

Interviewing a mohel will also help you to create an impression of the person who will be key player in celebrating the birth of your son and conducting the ceremony that welcomes him into the covenant of the Jewish people.  You will be able to establish if the mohel can relate to your personal Jewish background and experience.  Will they accommodate your needs and desires for the day, bringing flexibility and understanding to the moment, and do so willingly, with empathy and understanding?  Will they conduct a ceremony that honors the individual circumstances of your family, such as being married to a person who is not Jewish, having relatives who are not Jewish who wish to participate in the ceremony, being gender non-conforming or a same-sex couple?  A conversation with your preferred mohel prior to your baby being born is an important step in creating a relationship with the officiant, rather than meeting the mohel just before the start of the ceremony.

Interviewing a prospective mohel is something you should feel entitled to do.  Some might say that a mohel is a practitioner of the sacred, a person who has devoted their life to pursuing holiness and imbuing life with religious meaning.  A mohel might be a rabbi or a cantor, which could cause some people to feel awkward asking pointed questions and seeking clear answers to specific questions.  One could speculate that interviewing a mohel might be as sensitive as interviewing the rabbi of a congregation to see if affiliation is a good choice.  To that premise, I would say that interviewing a mohel is much like interviewing a pediatrician before becoming their patient and using their practice to safeguard your child’s health.  Parenthood is a responsibility.  Responsible Jewish parenthood invites you to vet a potential mohel to see if they are an appropriate choice for your family.

Below are suggested questions for an interview with a mohel.  The conversation can take place in person if that can be arranged, on a video call, or by phone.  If the mohel isn’t willing to answer your questions candidly and honestly, with respect, patience and sensitivity, then you likely shouldn’t be asking them to officiate at your son’s bris.

1. How long have you been working as a mohel?

2. Where did you obtain your training?

3. Do you sterilize your instruments?

4. Do you wear gloves when you perform the ritual?

5. Do you perform metzitza (oral suction, a practice sometimes done by ultra-Orthodox mohalim)?

6. Please describe a typical Brit Milah service at which you officiate.

7. What do you recommend for managing any discomfort the baby might experience?

8. Are you open minded to us using Emla (lidocaine in a cream base, prescribed by a pediatrician), if we so choose?

9. Are you open minded to creating separate spaces for the ritual and the ceremony (holding the circumcision in a room adjacent to but separate from the space where the ceremony will take place)?

10. Can we have input into the content of the ceremony, other than offering reflections at the end of the service?

11. Are you open to having our family rabbi co-officiate, even if that means that they will conduct a large portion of the ceremony?

12. How will you prepare us to care for our baby after the circumcision?

13. The mother is not Jewish.  Are you willing to officiate at the bris and, if so, are there any conditions you would place on your officiation?

14. The father is not Jewish.  Are you willing to allow him to participate?  What about his parents and relatives?

15. We are a same-sex couple.  Are you willing to officiate?

Once you feel confident in your choice of mohel, the next phase is comprehensive event planning. From deciding on a name to coordinating logistics, there are many details to cover. For a detailed roadmap and timeline to organize your son’s celebration, visit our dedicated Planning a Bris page.